i struggle in these days of pouring out. there is a fight inside of me for me and the notion of what my life should be. it’s that space where my life ends and the offering begins; the laying down of selfishness and picking up of the sword of love. the battle is in my heart and in my mind, and often i wonder… i wonder so many things, and sometimes it doesn’t stop. i wonder, worry, let the shame grow, get angry, confused and stalled out. my dreams fall away and the burden grows.
but then i have a moment of reminding… the hearing of hearts is a gift. to drink deeply in the moment of hearing, sitting, honoring. the offering of cherishing the blessing of someone offering a piece of their story… their fear, pain, victory, joy, or just mundane moments of life is an indescribably sacred gift. the treasuring of seeing the sowing of love as the greatest offering i can make in this world somehow diminishes my internal battle for significance in the world’s eyes. love always wins for god. the fiercely gentle offering of love is a battle won in a weary and lonely world. love wins when selfishness dies and we see with our heart.
today the offering is love. and today i’m quiet, giving the honor to my own heart and letting god hear my sacred story. i’m before him, letting him replenish my dreams and hope. today i’m smiling at his presence with my heart and delighting in the being. today it’s not selfishness; it’s jealously guarding my need to sit with the one that is love… to drink deeply of him and let him remind me who i am, and who he is; and he is the one that loves me more fiercely than i could ever imagine.